About Changes

Let´s put it this way:

Apparently there always comes a time in life where everything seems to be too hard, too challenging, too exhausting, too frightening, too over-taxed, too unbearable and too annoying. That is the time when you need to back out, when you need to give everything a closer look and decide what has to change to feel happy again. In some parts of my life this is exactely what I do at the moment. I don´t want to talk to anybody, I just want to be with myself an listen to myself very carefully. I don´t want to hear all the „good“ advices and opinions I never asked for. I don´t want to be with people I actually don´t want to be with. I don´t want to smile when I don´t feel like smiling. I don´t want to have people in my life I don´t respect, not in person and not virtual. I don´t want to defend my actions and hope for understanding. I don´t want to be scared of the future. I don´t want to be unsecure of my studies. I don´t want to feel down when life is so beautiful and has so much to give!

So, what do I want, you may rightly ask.

Independence. Trust. Courage. Passion. Friendship. Love. Confidence. Determination. Loyality. Ambitiousness. Authenticity.

And what about this blog? Honestly, I don´t know. I don´t feel free to write anymore because so many people are reading this who I actually don´t want to read it. Not everything needs to be exposed to everybody. Not everybody needs to know how I feel, unless I tell them directly. The point for me to open a blog was the anonymity that comes with the www and this has so much changed over the past year. Closing this blog seems more and more an option although I would really miss the community.

So as 2012 is going to be a year of change anyway I will also need to change something in my life to feel good again. And this is probably an appropriate way to start this: Focusing on myself again.



18 Gedanken zu „About Changes

  1. I really, really hope that your mood has nothing to do with your relationship with the cowboy! But I fear it does… Sounds like lovesickness to me. 😦

    You are blogging on wordpress… use the possibility to write posts with password protection. You may change your password and you will decide who is allowed to reed your thoughts. By the way – this is not a good advice, just an idea. 😉

    Chin up!
    With warm regards,

    • There are many things that bring me down at the moment, so I can not say it is only about love. I would lie if I pretend that everything is always going smooth and perfect and in doing so I also wouldn´t be authentic – a main goal for me in life and in blogging-. I already use the passworded posts, but I hate it. I don´t WANT TO hear all the comments afterwards like „Oh, so I am not allowed to read your post! It must me about me then!“.
      Thanks for the Chin up. After writing this post I already felt a little better.

  2. Think about what Rosalie said 😉 And I hate to say it but considering the fact that there are people reading your blog you don’t want to… I recently already told you that this could become a problem.
    Good luck with whatever decision 😉

  3. Ach weißt du, ich hatte auch so einen richtig besch**** Dezember.. Ich kann das daher gut nachvollziehen. Manchmal ist es dann ec ht besser, einfach nichts zu schreiben. Bist ja niemandem gegenüber verpflichtet. Und wenn irgendwer nicht gern liest was du schreibst, dann ist das am Ende deren Problem. Kann ja jeder wegklicken wenn er mag. Aber du solltest dich nicht dadurch gehemmt fühlen, dass andere sich auf den Schlipd getreten fühlen. Das Leben ist zu kurz um es jedem recht zu machen – außer dir selbst. Kannst mir jederzeit eine Mail schreiben und dich auskotzen. 🙂

    • Ich mag aber schreiben. Dazu ist ja mein Blog da. „Das Leben ist zu kurz um es jedem recht zu machen- außer dir selbst“. Danke dafür, damit hast Du absolut Recht und es klärt mir ein wenig die Sicht.

  4. Paßwortgeschützte Posts in Kombination mit limitierter Anzahl der Paßwortwissenden könnte helfen.
    Deshalb bin ich vor 2,5 Jahren zu wordpress gewechselt, weil ich die Möglichkeit haben wollte einzelne Artikel hinter Paßwort festzunageln.

  5. öhm….. irgendwie scheint die neujahrsdepriphase komplett um mich rum zu sein.

    i don’t like this kind of bad „vibrations“……

    alles liebe, frisch sortieren, ziele stecken und dann geht’s auch weiter. 😉

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