Let´s put it this way:
Apparently there always comes a time in life where everything seems to be too hard, too challenging, too exhausting, too frightening, too over-taxed, too unbearable and too annoying. That is the time when you need to back out, when you need to give everything a closer look and decide what has to change to feel happy again. In some parts of my life this is exactely what I do at the moment. I don´t want to talk to anybody, I just want to be with myself an listen to myself very carefully. I don´t want to hear all the „good“ advices and opinions I never asked for. I don´t want to be with people I actually don´t want to be with. I don´t want to smile when I don´t feel like smiling. I don´t want to have people in my life I don´t respect, not in person and not virtual. I don´t want to defend my actions and hope for understanding. I don´t want to be scared of the future. I don´t want to be unsecure of my studies. I don´t want to feel down when life is so beautiful and has so much to give!
So, what do I want, you may rightly ask.
Independence. Trust. Courage. Passion. Friendship. Love. Confidence. Determination. Loyality. Ambitiousness. Authenticity.
And what about this blog? Honestly, I don´t know. I don´t feel free to write anymore because so many people are reading this who I actually don´t want to read it. Not everything needs to be exposed to everybody. Not everybody needs to know how I feel, unless I tell them directly. The point for me to open a blog was the anonymity that comes with the www and this has so much changed over the past year. Closing this blog seems more and more an option although I would really miss the community.
So as 2012 is going to be a year of change anyway I will also need to change something in my life to feel good again. And this is probably an appropriate way to start this: Focusing on myself again.